


Heaven and Hell

by galaxystiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s04e10 Heaven and Hell, F/M, M/M, Unrequited Love, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 01:10:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3190202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxystiel/pseuds/galaxystiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Castiel, after finding out about Dean having sex with Anna, gives him the silent treatment until they argue, and Castiel is forced to admit his feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven and Hell

She’d done it on purpose, Castiel knew that much. Anna had her memories, she knew that by placing her hand over the mark Castiel had branded into Dean Winchester, he would be acutely aware of everything that was going on inside the Impala. What he didn’t understand was _why_ she’d done it. He knew of his growing feelings for Dean. From the moment he’d laid a hand on him in Hell, Castiel knew that whether he resisted or not, his loyalty was no longer to Heaven. He would do whatever Dean required of him.

They had their differences of opinions. Castiel had no desire to hurt Anna, but orders were orders. If he disobeyed, he would be cast out like she was. The Winchesters taking off was hurtful, but under the circumstances, Castiel could understand. They were fighting different battles in the end.

To know Dean then had sex with Anna hurt more than anything Castiel could ever have imagined. His eyes widened as the flood of images made his chest ache.

“Uriel.” He choked out, calling his brother to him. “Dean Winchester. When he dreams, we need to go into his head. It’s the only way to find him. Threaten Sam, and he’ll tell us what we want to know.” His pain was making him spiteful.

Uriel eyed him curiously. “You’re not coming?”

“I’ll be there. Just … invisible.” Even with the heavy pain in his chest, he would go. He needed to supervise Uriel, make sure he didn’t go too far.

_ “Castiel? Oh, he, uh... He's not here. See, he has this weakness. He likes you.” _

Castiel watched, expressionless, invisible to Dean and Uriel as the words were spoken. So even Uriel had noticed his feelings for Dean were more than that of duty. He closed his eyes, wondering how he had managed to fall so far, that he was in love with a human, a human that seemed to do the opposite of whatever he asked. A human like Dean Winchester, that would never return his feelings.

_ “You cut yourself a slice of... angel food cake. Didn't you? Huh? You did.” _

He could sense Uriel’s glee, and heard the undercurrent in his tone. He’d recognised why Castiel had been unable to handle this meeting himself. Castiel disappeared instantly, leaving Dean’s head.

He came back just in time to storm the barn where Anna and the Winchesters were hiding out. A flash of his pain and anger caused the wind to blow open the barn doors, allowing Castiel and Uriel to sweep into the barn the doors slamming closed behind them. It was with a grim sense of satisfaction that Castiel noted that it was Sam, and not Dean, who made an effort to shield Anna.

There was a brief moment where they all looked at each other. Castiel locked eyes briefly with Dean, before he forced himself to look away.

“Hello, Anna. It’s good to see you.”

Her eyes widened and her lip trembled slightly, fear evident in her gaze. Castiel kept his expression solemn.

“How? How did you find us?” Sam demanded.

Castiel’s eyes drifted to Dean and he inclined his head slightly. He could have stopped himself, but he wanted Anna to know exactly who had betrayed her, that Dean would choose his brother over everyone, and she didn’t matter to him.

Castiel looked away as Dean apologised to Anna, his heart clenching with the tenderness in his voice. This was something he’d never experience for himself. Dean didn’t trust him, didn’t care for him at all. He didn’t take his eyes from the floor until Anna spat something out, her tone accusing. She was right, they had threatened Sam. And she knew it had been Castiel’s idea. He looked back just in time to see her kiss Dean, pressing her lips to his softly.

“You did the best you could. I forgive you.”

The tender look that passed between them was almost more than Castiel could bear, and it was his duty that stopped him leaving, although he forced himself to look away.

The ensuing fight that followed when the demons turned up completely distracted Castiel from his misery, forcing himself to take his anger out on Alastair. He didn’t miss that Dean only stepped in to fight when Alastair had overpowered him, probably saving his life.

After that, Castiel just couldn’t look at Dean any more. He didn’t respond to any of Dean’s prayers, and didn’t show up when either of the Winchesters got into trouble on their cases. He heard the confusion and the hurt begin to appear in Dean’s voice whenever he prayed and Castiel ignored him, but any time he thought of Dean, the images of his tryst with Anna appeared and he couldn’t bear it any more.

_ “Okay, chuckles, I’ve had enough of this. Castiel, get your feathery ass down here, or I’m gonna start breaking the damn seals myself.” _

Castiel flinched as the prayer echoed in his head, but dutifully did as he was told, appearing in front of Dean instantly. “What is wrong Dean?” He asked, wearily.

“I want to know exactly what the hell is wrong. Why are you ignoring me, man? Is it over the Anna thing?” Castiel flinched as Dean mentioned Anna. The look on Dean’s face showed that he hadn't missed it.

“So it _is_ because of Anna? Damnit, Cas, I’m sorry that I pissed you off, but I wasn’t just going to let you kill her!” Dean snapped, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

Castiel’s face lost all expression. “I do not wish to discuss this with you, Dean. I have things to attend to.”

Dean’s hand snapped out and grabbed his wrist. “Cas.” His tone was so different that Castiel stilled, turning to see a pleading look on Dean’s face. “Wait. Please. I’m sorry. Just tell me what I can do to fix this.”

Wearily, Castiel gestured to Dean’s arm. “Do you know what that brand means?” He waited for Dean to shake his head. “It holds a lot of power. It is a direct link to me, which is why I hear your prayers above any others. If someone places their hand over it, like Pamela did when she tried to summon me, I can experience everything that you do.” He whispered. “When was the last time someone touched my handprint?”

Realisation dawned on Dean’s face and he looked angry. “You gotta be kidding me! Cas, you’re ignoring me because you saw me have sex with Anna? So you’ve been ignoring my prayers because I was about to be killed because you turned into a blushing schoolboy?”

“Do not liken me to a child, Dean.” Castiel thundered, the air around him crackling. He calmed instantly. “I was not embarrassed to see you and Anna.” He looked away, unwilling to see Dean’s face. “Anna wished me to see what was happening as she knew it would hurt me. She knew of my … feelings.”

The grip on his wrist slackened, but he was not released. “Feelings? For me?” Dean repeated, confused.

Castiel let out a jerky nod and tried to pull his hand from Dean’s grasp, but the hold tightened again.

“Cas.” Dean spoke quietly. “I … it’s not that, I mean. Uh, I’m doing this all wrong.” He leaned forward and kissed Castiel firmly on the mouth, pulling away after only a second. “It’s not that I don’t. Or I can’t return your feelings. It’s that… we've been on different sides so far. And I want to, but I don’t know if I can trust you yet.” He explained sadly.

Castiel nodded, pressing his forehead to Dean’s, his eyes fluttering closed. “I know, Dean.”

He stayed there for a few moments, before letting go. His eyes locked with Dean, he stepped back and disappeared. There wasn’t trust yet, nor was there love. But there was something, and it had time to grow.

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](http://diceandpokerchips.tumblr.com)


End file.
